I initially left my job to try my hand at the restaurant business amongst other things. Well that didn’t happen right away. No one would hire me. Fast forward a bit, I ended up volunteering at my church all summer and eventually got hired. Shortly after I got hired my position was put on hold indefinitely. So I’ve been spending my days doing whatever needs to be done for the cafe that’s owned and operated by my church. In the past few months I’ve literally done every position in the cafe, including dishes. I’ve started calling myself the 6th man. Whenever one of the “starters” are out for some reason, I’m there to fill in the position and keep the cafe in the game. It’s weird because I never know what I’ll be doing when I walk in Monday morning, but at the same time I’m glad I can help. Since my position was put on pause, there were times when I felt like a burden on the ministry. Whenever I started to feel this way there always seemed to be some random turn of events where I’m actually needed. It makes me think of Proverbs 18:16 where it says “your gifts will make room for you…” My gift just happens to be filling in the gaps. I have a knack for lending a hand where it’s needed and I don’t mind doing it. I’m kind of a jack-of-all-trades and a quick learner. It may not be perfect the first time but I gets it done.
A few months ago I got to try my hand at cooking in the cafe. Two of the 3 cooks had to be out. So who do they call to the rescue?…the sixth man! I got a 2 day crash course and had to fly virtually solo on Friday. I cook all the time at home but this was different. I had to stand on my tipy-toes while stirring pots and using a spoon the size of my arm. The cool thing is I realized that I was finally doing what I had left my job to do and it just kind of happened. It didn’t happen the way I thought it would but I was doing it none the less. Ironically my friend that resigned with me was doing what he left to do also…on the same day! I started my crash course Wednesday in preparation for the big show Friday. My friend flew to New York for Fashion Week that same Wednesday to model in a fashion show that Friday. As I was preparing to go into work and cook, he was preparing to walk in a New York fashion show on the same day. Only God could make that happen. We realized a few years ago that our lives seem to run in parallel and this was just another check point on that road.
As I was working the register one day a guy came through the line with a familiar face. I knew that I knew this guy from somewhere but I couldn’t place him. I was determined to figure it out so when his glass got low I grabbed the lemonade pitcher and seized my opportunity. Turns out we went to the same college. Of course I felt obligated to explain why I was serving him lemonade in a cafe so I briefly explained my story. I told him I was thinking about looking for engineering jobs again. In the past I haven’t been confident in my resume but after my time with the ministry I think I would feel completely comfortable in a job interview. I don’t know why I told him that. In fact that’s not something I’ve even thought of before that moment. He responded with “maybe that’s why you had to leave,” referring to my previous job. Light bulb! That was highly probable. Why hadn’t I thought of that? I realized it’s sometimes difficult to see things in your own life that easily stand out to someone on the outside. It’s like editing your own writing. It’s difficult to catch your own mistakes but they are glaringly obvious to the reader.
I’m not exactly sure of the sequence of events but around the same time I had a conversation with my mom. Of course she’s been on me about finding a job for months and months but I just wasn’t trying to hear it. But this last conversation was different. Her tone was more encouraging this time. I don’t know if it was her tone or my ears that actually changed. Instead of just hearing, this time, I listened. I talked to a good friend of mine about the convo with my mom and turns out she was on the same page with mom but just didn’t know how to bring it up to me. Thankfully moms don’t care about tact when it comes to their children and will drop a truth bomb on you at any moment no matter what the subject of the initial conversation.
The more I thought about it and got really honest with myself, part of the reason I was looking for jobs outside of engineering was because I wasn’t confident. I didn’t think I was a good engineer. I stayed at my previous job so long because I didn’t think anyone else would hire me. Kind of like staying in an abusive relationship because you think no one else will ever love you. Sad but true. This hiatus has taught me to be more confident in my abilities and that my gifts will make room for me. There is a perfect job out there for me and I’ve been speaking it into existence every morning. I used to get discouraged when I looked for jobs in the past because I didn’t meet all of the qualifications. This time around, I’m not even looking at the qualifications. I’m trying not to limit myself in any way. I’m just reading the descriptions and looking for a job I think I would enjoy doing. It’s not a mater of if I can do the job, because I’m convinced that I can do anything. Not cocky, just confident. It’s a matter of do I want to do the job. I’m also not overly concerned with salary. Don’t misunderstand me, money is important but it’s not going to be a driving force in my life. It’s been almost a year since I left my job and all my bills are up to date. In fact I had more money problems when I did have a well-paying job than I do now. Now I know God is truly my provider and not just because it says so in the Sunday morning praise and worship lyrics.
Long story short, I’m getting back in the saddle. If you’ve been following my blog you’re probably thinking “this chick is all over the place.” Maybe so, I’m just trying to figure this life thing out. Growing up is weird. I do know one thing though, if I keep panning one day I will find gold.